1.  What does the adoptive family want to know about birthparents and what are they allowed to know about me? 

The adoptive family will learn as much information about birthparents as birthparents learn about adoptive parents.  The birthparents are encouraged to provide adoptive parents with information through a social/medical history form.  This covers health, personality, education, and family background information.  Confidentiality will be maintained as the agency is not permitted to provide identifying information to either party.

 

The adoptive parents are always very interested in learning about the birthparents (they love to receive photos of birthparent(s) so they may provide them to the child at an appropriate time).  Adoptive parents also enjoy receiving a Life Book made by the birthmother that includes stories and photos from her childhood to the present.  This includes a letter to the child with reasons for making an adoptive plan and choosing the particular adoptive family.  Having this information will enable an adoptive family to answer questions a child may have someday.

 2.  What is “identifying information” and can I share this information with the adoptive family? 

Identifying information is anything that would enable another person to determine your specific location or identity.  Examples are last names, phone numbers, addresses, specific town or city of residence, specific school attended, specific place of employment, etc.  During the adoption planning process, everyone is referred to by their first names only and every attempt is made to protect identifying information of all of our clients.

           

3.  Does the agency ever deal with couples who live in other states or does every adoptive family with Family Life Services live in Virginia?

 

Family Life Services works with adoptive families all over the United States, except New York state. 

 4.  May I select what religion I wish the couple to be and can I be assured that my child will be brought up in that religion? 

Yes.  Birthparents choose adoptive parents through profiles and photo albums.  Family Life Services works with couples that adhere to traditional Christian beliefs, but there are various denominations represented among prospective adoptive parents.

 

One of our primary requirements in accepting adoptive couples is that they must be active members of a pro-life, Bible-believing church.  Therefore, it is our assumption that they would continue to participate in their church.

 

5.  What information, if any, is needed from the birthfather?

Family Life Services makes every effort to extend the same adoption services to the birthfather and the birthmother.  It is ideal to have medical, social, and educational information about the birthfather in order to provide the adoptive parents with a complete history.  However, it is not always possible if the birthfather’s whereabouts is unknown, his identity is unknown, or if he is unwilling to provide information to the agency.  If we are unable to receive this information from him, we will request that the birthmother give the agency as much information as possible about the birthfather. 

6.  What type of communication may I have with the adoptive family that I choose?

 
Birthparents will have the opportunity to look through photo profiles of all prospective adoptive families available for their selection.  Family Life Services encourages birthparents to meet and interview at least two prospective adoptive parents of their choice prior to the birth of the child, if possible.  Once the birthparents have selected an adoptive family, future communication between the two parties is usually discussed either in another face-to-face meeting or on a conference call.  Family Life Services requires communication from the adoptive family with the birthparent(s) monthly for the first year of the child’s life.  This includes a letter and fifteen photos during the first week of each month.  Up to three face-to-face meetings with the adoptive parents and the child can be scheduled during the first year at the birthparent’s request on a communication agreement.  There are other agency-sponsored functions such as the Walk for Life, November Skating Party, and Christmas Party that provide opportunities for birthparents and adoptive parents to visit through the year and are in addition to the three face-to-face visits requested on the communication agreement.  Following the first year, the agency recommends communication through photos and letters, face-to-face visits, videos, emails and/or conference calls throughout the child’s life.  Family Life Services remains the intermediary through which all information is passed.  We recommend that we mediate the adoption for a period of at least a year as we want to remain an advocate for the birthparents with regard to on-going communication and can actively encourage growth of this new relationship.  An agreement for communication is signed by both birth and adoptive parents, documenting exactly the amount and frequency of communication to occur following an adoption placement.  These agreements are complete separately for birthmothers and birthfathers as they are individually responsible for any communication they have with the adoptive family.   

If an adoptive family wishes to have direct contact with the birthparents following the adoption finalization, and the birthparent consents, this allows for an “open adoption” where both parties exchange identifying information and communicate directly with one another.  This communication may include photos, letters, videos, emails and face-to-face visits throughout the child’s life and no longer involves the agency acting as an intermediary.  The agency can direct both parties in how to complete the process of exchanging identifying information through the Department of Social Services, if both parties are in agreement.   

7.  What qualifications must a couple meet before they are accepted as clients in your agency? 

Preliminary requirements are: 1) Must be between age 22 and 45 at the time of application, 2) Both husband and wife must be born-again Christians, active members in a Bible-believing church,  3) Must be married at least three years, and 4) Must be drug, alcohol and tobacco free. Family Life Services requires three reference letters, a criminal background check, a child protective services clearance, a DMV record, a credit report, medical recommendations, and completes and reviews a home study/family assessment from a licensed agency or social worker in the state of residence of the couple.  During the above process the social worker evaluates the couple’s suitability as adoptive parents.  Each adoptive couple must attend a three-day adoption-training seminar at Family Life Services prior to placement.  The seminar covers many aspects of adoption including legal and medical issues, photo album requirements, raising an adopted child, telling a child about his or her adoption, and learning more about birthparents’ needs. 

8.  How much will I know about the adoptive parents?

There is detailed information available in the photo profile of the prospective adoptive parents such as physical and personality descriptions, hobbies, interests, occupation, how the couple met, religious preference, feelings about adoption, and desire for communication with birthparents.  In addition, the birthparents may review a non-identifying version of the adoptive couple’s home study.  Once this information is reviewed, the birthparents may have the caseworker schedule a conference call or face-to-face meeting with prospective adoptive parents to give the birthparent an opportunity to ask specific questions to the family. 

9.  What happens if I select an adoptive family and another birthmother chooses that family too? 

An adoptive family’s photo album is not removed from the waiting pool of families until they have a child placed with them.  If another girl has selected a family, a note will be placed on their album informing you of this when you review the album.  You are still welcome to interview any couple in the waiting pool.  If your child is the first available for placement, placement would occur according to your wishes.   

12.  When, if at all, does the birthfather have to be present? 

It is not required that the birthfather be present at all, but it is preferable for him to have contact with the adoption caseworker and participate in adoption counseling.  The agency will also provide follow-up counseling to him at no expense, if he request such services.  It is necessary for Family Life Services to provide him with written notification of the birth of this child and his rights by certified mail, restricted delivery, return receipt requested.  Termination of the birthfather’s rights can be completed in a variety of ways, depending on the circumstance, and your adoption caseworker can explain these options fully to you during the adoption counseling process.  If the birthfather’s identity or whereabouts are unknown and efforts are made to locate him, but he is not found, then the Lynchburg Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court must terminate his parental rights.  He does not need to be present for this process to occur. 

A putative father who believes that he may have fathered a child can protect his rights by registering with the Virginia Putative Father Registry at http://VAPutativeFather.com or 1-877-433-2339.  

13.  Who has access to my file with the adoption agency?

Only staff of Family Life Services have access to your file and our staff are bound by confidentiality.  Furthermore, as a courtesy to all clients, if an adoption worker were to by chance come in contact with you in a non-adoption related setting (the mall, school, etc.), the adoption worker would not speak to you unless you acknowledge them first.   

15.  Will my medical costs be covered by either the agency or the adoptive parents or both? 

Family Life Services adoption agency charges a fee to the adoptive parents.  Part of that fee is used to cover the medical expenses. The medical expenses are paid after the child has been legally placed with the adoptive parents and an itemized bill of medical expenses must be submitted prior to payment.   

16.  If the adoption agency and/or the adoptive parents help with my expenses, what would that include?

Family Life Services adoption fees cover medical expenses, as well as legal expenses, including but not limited to an attorney who represents the agency for legal proceedings.  The agency also works with Liberty Godparent Home, a residential maternity home for young women who need a place to live during their pregnancy.  Additional expenses paid by the agency may include reasonable living expenses such as rent, utilities, and food during the time in which the birthmother is unable to work (usually for the six weeks following delivery) and must be documented by a letter from her physician prior to any financial assistance.  The payment of these expenses must be approved by the agency’s Director and must be allowable by Virginia law. 

17.  If for some reason there is an accident and the child’s adoptive parents are killed, will I then be responsible for the child and would I have the option if I so desired.

If the adoption of the child has been finalized, the child would be placed with whomever the adoptive parents indicated as guardians of the child.  If the adoption has not yet finalized and both parents became deceased, the child could possibly be returned to Family Life Services for future placement.  In this situation the agency is the legal custodian for the child until the adoption is finalized but would consult with the birthparent as to what she/he would want done. 

18.  What is mediated adoption?

Mediated adoption is what is most commonly selected by clients of Family Life Services immediately following an adoption placement.  We mediate every contact (phone calls, letters, videos, emails, face-to-face visits) between the birthparents and adoptive parents/child so that confidentiality is maintained and we can be a resource to all parties as they build a relationship.  Mediated adoption relationships can develop into open adoption relationships, after a period of mediation by the agency, with the consent of both parties.   

19.  What is open adoption?

Open adoption includes direct contact between the adoptive family and the birth family, and can include any of the following: photos, letters, videos, telephone calls, emails or face-to-face visits where the agency does not act an intermediary.  In a fully open adoption, identifying information can be exchanged.  
 

20.  What is closed adoption?

Closed adoption was the primary form of adoption practiced ten or more years ago.  Birthparents provided information about themselves at the time of the adoption placement and were not very involved in the adoption placement process.  Following placement, there was no ongoing communication or contact regarding the child’s progress or well-being once the child entered the adoptive home.   
 

21.  Do my parents need to sign papers in order for me to place my child for adoption?

No.  Even if the birthparent is a minor, they are solely responsible for making the decisions for their child’s future and can make an adoption plan without their parent’s consent. 

22.  What are Birthmother Support Groups?

The Birthmother Support Groups are held each month on the second Tuesday of each month.  We serve food and have a time to meet as a group to discuss adoption issues.  We encourage birthmothers to attend these before and after the birth of your baby as an outlet and resource.  As a birthmother, your meal is free.  On the even months of the year, current and waiting adoptive moms are invited to join the group.  This provides an incredible component to the support process, which is input from someone on the other side of the fence.  If you make an adoption plan, these groups also provide an opportunity for you to get together with your child’s adoptive mother, if possible, at an agency sponsored function.   

23.  Can I name my baby and will the adoptive parents keep the name I choose?

 
Family Life Services encourages the birthparents to choose a name for their child.  This name is used while the child is in foster care.  The adoptive parents may change the name, if they desire.  Many times the birthparents and adoptive parents decide on a name together during their face-to-face interviews which may incorporate a name that the birthparents have chosen with a name that the adoptive parents choose.    

24.  What happens if the baby is born with birth defects?  Will the adoptive parents want to adopt my baby?

If this were to occur, all of the medical information would be gathered and presented to the adoptive couple.  Family Life Services would encourage the adoptive couple to review this information with their physician and make a decision based on the best interests of the child.  Most of the time, this is a question of whether or not the family is capable of providing for the special needs of the child.  If for some reason the adoptive couple is unable to proceed with the adoption, Family Life Services would contact the birthparents immediately and provide them with choices of other adoptive couples who wish to adopt a child with special needs. 

25.  When does the birthmother have to sign the Permanent Entrustment Agreement?

 

The Permanent Entrustment Agreement cannot be signed by the birthmother until after the birth of the baby.  This agreement is usually signed in the hospital by the birthmother with her caseworker.  If a birthfather is in agreement with the adoption plan, he may sign a Permanent Entrustment Agreement either prior to or following the baby’s birth.

  
26.  Once I sign the Permanent Entrustment Agreement, can I change my plan? 

Yes.  Signing the adoption papers only terminates your rights if you do not revoke the agreement before the child is 10 days old, before 7 days have passed from the signing of the Permanent Entrustment Agreement, or before the child is placed in the home of the adoptive parents. 

27.  Can I see the baby in the hospital?

 

Yes.  You will want to take into consideration various issues including bonding, the needs of your child, and your own physical needs during your hospital stay.  It is up to the birthparent as to how much time they would like to spend with the child while in the hospital.  Your caseworker will help you to make an individualized hospital plan.

 

28.  Will I have to go to court?

You would only have to appear in the Lynchburg Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court if the identity or whereabouts of the birthfather are unknown, the birthfather cannot be formally notified of his rights, or the birthfather contests an adoption plan.  You would need to be interviewed by the judge and attorneys in the case in order for them to determine if the birthfather’s rights can be legally terminated.   

29.  If I have to go to court, how long after I sign my papers will this take place? 

A court hearing usually occurs within 90 days of the birth of the child. 

30.  Are parents, friends, father of the baby, etc. allowed to see the baby? 

With the birthmother’s permission, any of the above persons are allowed to see the baby in the hospital.  The birthparents may make a request to see the child during the foster care period at any time prior to the child being placed with the adoptive parents.  If such a visit occurs, anyone the birthparents choose may also be present.  Visits with the baby during the foster care period are typically granted on a weekly basis at Family Life Services for approximately an hour and are arranged at the birthparent’s request.  Visitation during the foster care period must be arranged in advance during office hours.   

31.  Why do babies go into foster care before they go to their adoptive parents? 

Foster care allows the birthparent(s) a neutral environment, where the child is receiving excellent care, while the birthparent evaluates and confirms the adoption decision.  The agency feels it would be very difficult for a birthparent to work through the grief and loss during the time between delivery and termination of parental rights (minimum of 10 days and most placements occur within three months) if the child remains in the birthparent’s care.  The agency does not want the birthparent(s) to feel obligated to the adoptive family in any way if the birthparent determines that adoption is not the best plan for the child during the period immediately following the child’s birth.  Family Life Services makes the placement with the adoptive family once all parental rights of the birthparents have been terminated and the adoptive family can legally become the child’s parents.  Placements occur when all parental rights are terminated and can occur as early as when the infant is 10 days old or may take a couple of months.

32.  How does Family Life Services locate and evaluate foster parents?

Family Life Services has approved foster homes who work only with our agency to care for infants.  These are not foster homes working with the state or local Department of Social Services.  The foster families do not use daycare services and the foster mother is with the infant during the day.  The foster families only receive a small stipend to cover formula and diapers and their time is a generous gift.  Their only compensation is knowing their reward of positively impacting the life of a child, if only for a short time.  Family Life Services meets with the foster families regularly when a child is in their home.  The foster parents are diligent about taking pictures and providing updates for the birthparents during the period of foster care. 

33.  What happens on placement day? 

The adoptive family comes and signs all the legal documents on placement day.  The birthparents may choose to participate in placement day but do not have to be present if they would rather not be in attendance.  The birthparents may plan to visit the baby prior to the placement with the adoptive family and may provide an outfit for the baby on this day, although it is not required.  The adoption caseworker will help the birthparents plan a placement day for the infant that is individualized to the client’s wishes.  The birthparents may choose to place the baby in the arms of the new adoptive parents or may choose for the foster family to place the baby.   

Following the placement, the agency hosts a celebration luncheon and the birth family and adoptive family may choose to invite up to 10 guests each (including themselves).  This time provides a special moment for the birth family and adoptive family to enjoy the newness of the adoption.  This lasts for one hour.  At the end of the scheduled time, the birth family leaves and the adoptive family goes to the FLS building to talk to the foster parents about the baby’s schedule and routine. 

 34.  What may I send to my child and will I have the assurance that my child will receive these items? 

You may choose to send your child home from the hospital in a specially purchased or prepared outfit and send any gifts with the caseworker at that time.  You may choose to provide gifts to the child or adoptive family at the time of placement.  If you send gifts for the child to the agency following placement (ie. birthday, Christmas, etc.), we ask that no gifts be wrapped and no identifying information be enclosed.  We will transmit everything received to the intended recipient.   The agency asks that these gifts arrive in boxes appropriate for mailing.   

35.  Can I send letters to my child after the adoption?  How should I address them and sign them?

It is important that you address letters to your child in the future by the name the adoptive family has chosen for him or her.  If they change the birth name that you gave your child, this special birth name should be included in the Life Book that you make for your child, as well as thereason you chose that name.  It would be very confusing for a child growing up with one name, to receive letters where he/she is identified by a totally different name.  Also, you should sign your letters with your first name or “Your Birthmother/Father.”  Simply signing your name as “Mom” or “Dad” would also be confusing for a child to read, because it does not allow them to differentiate the birthparent from the adoptive parent. 

We encourage birthparents to write a letter to the baby and adoptive parents to explain the reasons for placing the child for adoption.  This could be provided to the family at the time of placement or could be included in a “Life Book” (a scrapbook with photographs that tells about the birthmother and/or birthfather).  Your caseworker can help you begin this project prior to the infant’s birth, if you would like.
 

36.  What kind of gifts or items should I send throughout the child’s life?

Family Life Services recommends that you send gifts that will be cherished as keepsakes for the child.  While clothing is always fun to buy, the adoptive parents enjoy storing away the special gifts sent by the birthparents after they are used.  Keepsake items would include special books, toys, stuffed animals, or any hand made items.  The agency encourages birthparents to discuss gifts during the face-to-face interviews with the adoptive family.  Make a plan in the very beginning as to the types of gifts you will send in the future.  

37.  After the adoption is finalized, will I need to have further contact with the agency?  If so, under what circumstances?

It is not required that a birthparent have any contact with the agency after the adoption is finalized.  However, any mediated correspondence with the adoptive parents will go through Family Life Services and we request that the birthparents provide us with current contact information in case we need to reach you for any purpose.  Family Life Services is available after the adoption to provide counseling with the birthparent at any time the birthparent feels necessary.  We are here to offer supportive counseling as long as needed.  If a birthparent does not live near our office, and more than several follow-up sessions are needed after the adoption occurs, the agency will assist in arranging counseling in the birthparent’s home town with a professional counselor.